| Thoughts of a Growing Christian | |||
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Tuesday, September 24, 2002 Sam and I decided to bum today at around 8:30 pm. So we just dropped everything and got into our pajamas and watched Vanilla Sky and My Best Friend's Wedding. Made a little something to eat and there went our night. I think I like bumming nights... While watching movies espcially during ones I've already seen before I find my train of thought to start to wander away from the movie at times. I came across this strange but yet so like me thought...cheesy and sappy...(it was provoked by the movies just so you know I'm not that random) I'm quoting Penelope Cruz from Vanilla Sky...(might be a word or two off)..."Each and every minute is a chance to turn it all around." And also a scene in MBFW, where "michael and jules" were on the boat, michael talked about love (yeah yeah I know by now you're saying to yourself "go figure" right?) he said that if you love someone, say it right then and there. Say it out loud to them...or otherwise the opportunity will just pass you by. So now I put the two together and I find myself thinking of some of the heartbreaks and close calls I've experienced. "Each and every minute WAS a chance to say I love you, to say it out loud and to turn it around." Although I've never dated, heartbreak is not something of unfamiliarity to me. Just about every few blogs or so I fall upon this topic eh? You, the poor reader must be getting sick of it. But yeah, with the two quotes strung together, I found myself thinking of what has happened...wondering of what is to happen...and wondering if things will be different...or how all my previous experiences would have been different. You see, I hate to live life with regrets, but I already have some, and the best I can do now is try not to let them add up. But how come it is so hard to utter those three little words that total up to no more than eight letters? Heck I can't even breath at times when it comes to stuff like this let alone the courage and the wits. Where does this immense fear and immediate holding back of our emotions come from? I know for me, it's the fear of the unknown, namely fear of the chance of rejection. A heartbreaker in and of itself. I think everyone's fear of rejection over shadows our desire to take that chance...a chance at something which could turn out to be majestical and enchanting...(too fairytale huh?)...but you get the gist. I guess this is another fitting area to add another sappy poem huh? This one poem is starting to fade because it's written in pencil some good few months ago on a post it that looks like it's taken a spin through the washer...so once again I'm honored to share with you.... Only If If I told you I liked you, would you be surprised? If I told you I need you, would you turn away? If I told you, you have my heart, would you break it? If I told you I love you, would you tell me you love me too? If I told you I would die for you, would you do the same? But it's all just if, a question. A question of what could have been. What would have been. Only if... posted by Sewa at 1:34:00 AM # I'm already one month into school here. Time is going by crazy fast. I took my first exam of this school year today. How'd I do? I wish I could say that I kicked that exam's butt. Butt I'm not gonna count my chickens before they hatch. There's already been a frenzy of events that have happened around here on campus. "A night at the oscar's," broomball, Old McDonel, AMSA, volleyball just to name a few. And trying to balance it all and work it all in with what I hope to be a better academic year is gonna be challenging. Since I'm rooming with Sam this year it'll be a bigger reminder that I have a spiritual life to work in with that FIRST and FOREMOST too. Last year I guess it was easier just to not acknowledge who I really am because my roommate was not a Christian and I found myself compromising my faith. And now, I seem to be at a standstill which is a big no no. I remember Chris Woon once saying in sunday school that if you're lukewarm/at a standstill, you're really not. You're regressing is what he said it was. Phooey. I think he's right. I find myself being distracted with many things, all of which I know are excuses to avoid bringing myself to face Him. I feel like it's been so long I'm afraid and ashamed to go to God now. To truly go to Him and just give it up. I feel as though I'm not worthy anymore to even ask God for a simple breath of air. I want to find Him again, I want to be excited about my faith as I start out the year, filled with the mentality that everyone and everthing I encounter this year, any of this, even in it's smallest measure is all from and for the Glory of God. posted by Sewa at 1:31:00 AM # Sunday, September 22, 2002 Me: get yourself something to drink... Saw Saw Day: ok....(proceeds to open fridge)...OooooOooooOooooO CHOY (vegetables in chinese) Me: I thought you were oooing at our drink selection (which IS pretty impressive) but you're ooooing at the choy??? Saw Saw Day: yeah I have this obsession with vegetables..... Me: (laughing) Saw Saw Day: NO it's not vegetables....it's vegetable in a plastic bag Me: (laughing harder) Saw Saw Day: No I have an obsession with SQUEEZING vegetables IN a plastic bag like this (proceeds to demonstrate her obsession) Me: (CRACKING UP) Saw Saw Day: BUT NO...it's not just any types of vegetables...I have an obsession with squeezing certain types of vegetable in a plastic bag...like when my mom buys chinese broccoli.... Me: (dying of hysterical laughter) The things I find out about "saw saw day" each time we chill..... posted by Sewa at 12:19:00 PM # |
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