| Thoughts of a Growing Christian | |||
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Friday, October 18, 2002 My happy meter has gone through the roof!!! Wahoo!!! So many happy things in one day!!! 1.) Today I woke up and I was INCREDIBLY sore, I had a VERY good workout last night. (and note! previous entry was already stating how "productive" I was yesterday too!) So since things were going well yesterday I was even motivated to workout. But yeah it's the battle against the lactic acid again! All over, well not really in my arms but especially in the abs...220 left/front/right crunches definitely feeling it when I laugh, cough, or sneeze. It makes me motivated to go again! Yay! Will have to be tougher on my arms next time... 2.) I purchased a new set of speakers for my laptop. And they finally came in today!!! I've been looking forward to this stuff for a week. So I finally have this nice metallic blue/silver speaker set with a wooden case subwoofer and a remote that does my music some justice. It makes me happy when my desk vibrates from the bass. =) Good music makes me so happy. 3.) We're finally nearing a decision on the apts we're gonna live in next year. (And believe you me, the apts we're prolly gonna live in, I'm sooooo lovin' it.) And Lizzie decided she was gonna join us! I was hoping that she would but she really believed that chances were slim to none but SURPRISE! That made me grin from ear to ear. 4.) We had girls accountability in our room tonight, and all of a sudden the CCF gentlemen BUSTED IN with individually wrapped long stem roses, personalized cards, an ice cream cake AND punch. It was such a pleasant and sweet surprise for sweetest day. So sweet of all of you, really gentlemen, you all mean the world to me my appreciation and respect and love grows for you all daily. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for topping the night off. (*note WE WILL get you all back! mwahaha) And that, all of THAT is why I am SOOO HAPPY RIGHT now. Such a nice feeling that I miss especially since I was at such a slump on Tuesday. And I know it's all God. Yay God! The things He blesses me with...and how perfect His timing is, to pick me up when I am down...He baffles me...Only you God Only you. =D posted by Sewa at 12:11:00 AM # Wednesday, October 16, 2002 Today was a considerably better day than yesterday. Well if I think about it, today isn't that extraordinary, cept for the fact that I don't feel so poopy. I at least went to all my classes and didn't feel like such a "bum." There's a catch though. When I went to bio I was nodding off and when I went to physics I passed by a sparty's cafe and the coffee just drew me in. So I bought a BIG cup of coffee and in class I just sat there and drank my coffee and let my mind wander and didn't give a darn about what he was lecturing about. Hmmm that's a bad tendency...my mind seems to wander alot and then I nod off. But today it was nice...sipping some surprisingly good coffee and just watching his mouth move, hearing none of it, but instead thinking something entirely different =D. And then I also went to lab which got out about an hour and forty mins early! Wahoo! The only hard part was getting up from the nap I was taking to go. You see my schedule on wednesday goes a little like this. 8:00am-8:50am(bio) 9:10am-10:00am(physics) and then I have a FIVE HOUR gap in between till 3:00pm where I have lab that usually goes to 5:50...boo on labs. So what else am I supposed to do in between than sleep? Cause you and I both know when you wake up to go to and 8:00 you're gonna be dead. But instead of going straight back to bed after my 9:10 I even got some errands done. I've been so lazy lately I don't even bother to do stuff that NEEDS to get done. So all of the above...momumental! Nah not really just happy that things are turning around a little here. posted by Sewa at 6:15:00 PM # Tuesday, October 15, 2002 My brother has the weirdest blogs...sometimes funny...but sometimes...a little strange and scary...yeahhhh Please tell me you agree with me on this one... posted by Sewa at 5:42:00 PM # You know, when times are good, or at least not too chaotic, I find myself throwing God on the back burner. Does anyone second me on that one? Why do I do that? Everytime I am hit hard with that thought I just wanna kick myself in the butt. But then when I'm at my lows I find myself asking God where are you? Or God why did you leave me? God why why why? But I know instead of all the whys I should be giving Him my praises and my thanks and gratitude that I so often forget to do. I once heard and will always remember this saying, "If you feel as though you are distant from God, He's not the one that moved." How awesome is that? And as of right now, how heavy does weigh on my heart? There have been a ton of other things on my mind. Too much to burden others with. I find myself trying to avoid and neglect them myself too. I want to kick myself in the butt for that too. Gee do I see a pattern? Just stamp my forehead with "Coward" and then kick my butt. Sadly, probably that won't even do the trick. I'm just not motivated lately. I've been easily irritable, bottling things, and avoiding what is in my heart. I try to live this care free life but yet I find that emptiness that was so filled with God when I came back from Alaska starting to creep up again to haunt me. I find it hard to do anything especially the things that I love and would like to do. Living for Him is already hard, and add school on top of that. I don't even workout much anymore. I wish I had doses of endorphins on the side that I could just give myself when I feel like this. (endorphins aka: happy hormones released when you workout or are active). Walking in the fall I see the beauty and people walking a quicker pace because the cold is starting to nip at them. But I walk slower, just to try to engulf my whole entire being in nature at one of it's most beautiful times of the year. I'm still trying to figure out if I'm in a slump and will stay here for awhile or if it's just a little phase that's going to pass quickly. Of course I do wish it's the latter. But I really don't know what I'm looking for right now. I really don't know what I need. I do know that I'm in a state of "lukewarmness" and it says in the Bible to never let ourselves be lukewarm. And I certainly don't want to be lukewarm about school. I miss being a kid. When these thoughts never crossed my mind. Yeah let me rewind time and do things over again...let me be a kid again... "Lord I'm fumbling in the darkness. Blinded by everything else I don't even know where to turn to begin a new, fresh path walking with you. Lord I feel unworthy, fallen short of my potential and failing miserably from what you had hoped I would become. Father I am the one that has moved. The fire needs to be rekindled Father. Fan the flame Father. Let me burn with desire again. Lord take my hand, let me feel the security of you leading me. Make me your child again. Amen" posted by Sewa at 12:09:00 AM # |
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