| Thoughts of a Growing Christian | |||
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Friday, January 24, 2003 Yesterday I was reminded how often I take things for granted once again. As I was leaving my stats class with my friend Pei, we took our normal route back. And normally I just walk across this busy intersection without even waiting for the walk signal. I just look to see if it's clear and then off I go. It was at this same intersection about two weeks ago, a girl leaving an SCF (Spartan Christian Fellowship) meeting was hit by oncoming traffic leaving her with brain swelling and numerous broken bones. And the nurses said that it wasn't looking good. But that didn't even do it for me. As we were approaching this intersection, Pei was talking to me and I started to not hear the things she was saying...I noticed that there was a girl at the very brink of the sidewalk...she was blind. She had a walking stick and seemed like she was lost. As we neared her all I could hear was that she kept saying "excuse me"...."excuse me" hoping someone nearby would answer. My mind raced and I thought it's cold I'm wanna get back to my dorm...should I answer her...that was my last class and I got out early I want to go back asap cause it's freezing out here. Why did I even think twice? I could tell that Pei had noticed her too...her sentence trailed off and we answered her. The girl then immediately asked us..."Where's the crosswalk?" *smack* Crosswalk....I usually don't even care if I'm at a crosswalk I just walk. And here she was trying to make sure she was at the crosswalk and trying to get to class. She told us she was trying to get to Giltner...a bldg right across the street. A bldg that I now find to be extremely inaccessible to the impaired and annoying. We ended up walking her to her class. But the whole time I was with her I felt so...so...argh what's the word...so (lack of a better term) "ill-suited" to help her. I just guided her with verbal directions as Pei walked ahead to try to find an entrance. The time was nearing 4:25...her class started at 4:10. I would tell her "a little to your left...a little to your right...there's a curve up ahead so start going to your right..." I felt so inadequate. Stupid Giltner had like a whole two entrances all on the same side so we had to go around. As we entered the bldg Pei had held the dorm open...her class was in room 275...right...where's the elevator? Once again I felt so stupid not knowing whether to even touch her and help her up the stairs or let her do it on her own. My frustration with myself was growing. When we were at the top of the stairs the first room I saw was room 203...275 would be another long walk and a half away. A walk in a hallway that had cargo carts all over...lumber and debris in random areas. So we guided her verbally once again telling her to watch out for this here or becareful af that there. Don't they know that's a fire hazad too?!?!?!?! She had told us that there was no braille either. That's wonderful...leave lethal and hazardous obstacles in the hallway...don't have an easily accesible elevator and let's not even bother with the braille. After we went through a few corridors made a couple of turns and passed nearly 30 rooms to the point where even I was almost all turned around, we finally found her classroom in this hidden corner. (I am NOT a fan of Giltner Hall) The class had been in session for nearly 20 mins now. I opened the door and it was a small class, not a lecture in which she could easily have gone in unnoticed. And the entrance to the classroom was right in the front. I opened the door for her and the prof had stopped lecturing the class went silent...I could see mixed emotions across the faces of those present. Expressions of annoyance, disgust, indifference, sympathy. So what if that was me? Even with my sight I had to re-orient myself within the building to find an exit. I had to look all over for room numbers and then when we reached her destination I was the one that could SEE those expressions. I didn't know whether to be happy for her at that moment that she couldn't see and so what she didn't know couldn't hurt her or wish that she could see just so she could find her way to an empty desk. How often do I get annoyed and impatient waiting at a stop light in my car or slowing down for SUPER slow pedestrians and how often do I complain about classes being too far? *smack* Yet again I am filled with shame and guilt. What did I learn in Alaska on the missions trip that had such a big impact on my life? Don't take for granted the things I have out here and that a simple life is just as good as the rest and a myriad of other things. It seems like I've already forgotten. My heart is so slow to pick up these valuable lessons and then when it does, my heart is quick to let go once again and carry on my own selfish lifestyle. Argh. I fall short in so many ways. Lord thank you for your little subtle AND not so subtle reminders of the blessings you have showered upon me. Thank you for accepting me even though I fall short in so many ways. Help me to be more understanding and of better service to those around me. Help me to not be ashamed to glorify your name and not be self concious when helping those less fortunate than I. Because I know if you were me you wouldn't have thought twice you would have helped her in a heartbeat. And help me to retain those priceless lessons you have so gently taught me in hopes that I will further your kingdom. Lord help me to take nothing for granted. posted by Sewa at 2:17:00 AM # Wednesday, January 22, 2003 I've just been informed I need to make decision regarding my fellowship group here...please keep me in your prayers for I can be rather indecisive at times "Lord am I being called upon? Is it my turn? I hear you but just give me to the courage to rise up to the challenge and answer you. Lord help me to be joyous when I serve you and your people. Lord I am happy to be your servant and humbled to be able to be called your servant. As I rise to the challenge just hold my hand Lord. Stop me from running away and just calm my fears and help me to remember it's all for you. Amen" I just want to re-post this poem...it's one of my faves by far in my whole collection...definitely good in a time like this....take a minute and look for a theme and absorb the words...it takes on a whole new dimension when you find what I've hidden in there... Who Is God Shh, listen to the voice in the winds. Hear the quiet calling of the waters. Listen to the laughter in the world. It's the voice of God speaking. Stop and take a look at the beauty of your surroundings. Freeze and gaze at the delicate snow. Pause and breathe in the air of the magnificent sea. It's the hands of God at work around you. Be still when you hear a voice in your heart. Answer the soft beckoning towards your soul. Open your inner self to the knocking. It's God calling for you. Turn to the all knowing in prayer. Praise the creator above with a song. Show His love in your actions. It's the way of God. Hear the mighty voice. See the magnificence. Respond to the invitation. It's God. ~Sewa posted by Sewa at 1:56:00 AM # Some songs that have been giving me some "grief" lately 1. Who Needs the World (Nick Carter) 2. Crush (Mandy Moore) 3. You Don't Know (98 Degrees) 4. "Oi Seung Yut Gaw Yun" Translation= "Fallen in Love with Someone" (Sammi Cheung) The list goes on....hmm do we see a trend here??? Bah! to those "unripened peas" grief I tell ya! Bah! Can I just stop being "girly" for just a little while please??? Take away all my emotions except for happiness maybe...take away the over analytical part of me...the emotional and soft side....the hopeless romantic...go away! These "peas" just never stop why are they so confusing and why can't I live with or without them....someone help me to find a happy medium.... -_- posted by Sewa at 1:49:00 AM # |
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