| Thoughts of a Growing Christian | |||
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Friday, September 26, 2003 Consistency... The thickness of a soup, a sauce? The thing that causes us to take so much for granted because it's always there? Maybe. con-sis'ten-cy: n. 1. firmness or thickness, as of a liquid 2. agreement; harmony 3. conformity with previous practice Constant... The way you would describe the frequency of annoyance you experience from work? Siblings? School? Traffic? Perhaps. con-stant: adj 1. not changing; faithful, regular, etc. 2. continual; persistent -n. anything that does not change or vary -con'stan-cy n. So as I looked these two words up I wanted to truly define for myself what I've been looking for alot lately in life. A sense of consistency and constancy. I would love to be able to tell you how good things have been and how I've been so disciplined and how life couldn't be better but I can't. Don't get me wrong...I'm pretty happy right now...comfy and for the most part pretty complacent. But in certain aspects of my life, some pretty darn important aspects I lack two very important factors. My spiritual life has plateaued (sp?) for so long now I feel as though if I graphed it, it would just look like one of the gridlines themselves. I've been asking myself for awhile now what I wanted and what God wants from me. It's obedience and a desire for Him...a constant and consistent desire for Him. I find myself inconsistent with my quiet times, no constancy in my prayers, you name it. I'm not asking for a spiritual high, I'm not asking for a burst of kindled passion. I'm just asking to be on my feet and walking with Him. I realize I may fall, I may stumble, I may crawl...but how can I if I'm not even moving? I feel a great deal of disappointment in myself when I realize there are far too many aspects of my life that are inconsistent. Even simple and enjoyable things like blogging. Sure, sometimes you just don't have the time or sometimes you don't have anything to say. But what about my schooling? Working out? A healthy productive schedule? It's a sad truth but I have to admit that the root of this has a great deal to do with the lack of discipline in me. I've grown comfortable with the fact that I can usually wing it or I can have bum days...but bum days aren't really bum days anymore when you're constantly doing it. Ha...the one thing that I wish there was no constancy in right? After reading those definitions, I realize that they're pretty synonymous in a sense and go hand in hand. And some really "hit-home" words were...not changing, faithful, continual, harmony. I'm sure I don't have to get into detail about telling you all how God is faithful, unchanging, and His love abounds and is continual. But what about mine? It's disturbing to my own mind that I know these things yet I don't fully grasp the complexity and the enormity of this love...otherwise I'm sure I wouldn't be so ho-hum about where I am right now. But how do I get to where I want to be? It'll never happen cause I'll never be perfect but to at least know that I'm trying...a dream come true. I admire those that have constancy in their lives even if it doesn't apply to faith. Like my cousin...he's a "cool-brain" if you will. The boy can party and chill but when it comes to school you bet he'll sit down and make sure he gets the grades...dedication, consistency, discipline, etc. So I guess I'm starting to get scared. I wonder where I'm going to wind up if I don't get consistent in studying and don't get into PA school. I wonder when God is just gonna knock me upside the head and give me a rude awakening because I haven't been paying attention to Him all this time. I wonder if my physical self will stay like this all the time. Too many things to ponder...but I do sincerely wish that you all out there have what I so badly crave...it's a good thing... posted by Sewa at 2:29:00 AM # |
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